


Simon vs All the Boys Baz had Loved Before

by gaywardsun, selkiesfour



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crossover, Ferris Wheel, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Normal AU, simon vs the homo sapiens agenda, to all the boys i've loved before - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24084595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaywardsun/pseuds/gaywardsun, https://archiveofourown.org/users/selkiesfour/pseuds/selkiesfour
Summary: "I perfectly remember that one time simon and baz kissed on the ferris wheel after Simon discovered that baz had written those secret letters to him and a few other boys." or, the Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda + To all the Boys I've Loved Before + Carry On crossover @gaywardson joked about and then helped me bring to life.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 11
Kudos: 79





	Simon vs All the Boys Baz had Loved Before

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to Fatima, who loves dedications more than she loves bullying me 💙

I'm not sure what I expected to happen tonight. I've never been to a fair, but in the films, there's always someone winning a giant stuffed animal from one of the carnival games for the main character, people feeding each other cotton candy and a copious amount of romance in the air. 

I'm not a character in a movie, though, and I didn't bring anyone as a date. So, yeah. I'm not sure what I expected.

Except... I've been emailing this guy for months now. He's all I ever think about, and it's hard not to imagine him being here with me tonight. I know what keeps him up at night, and how he likes his eggs in the morning, but I have no clue what he looks like. I don’t even know if his real name is Charles.

On Valentine’s day, 5 people at Watford received an email with the subject line 'anonymously yours'. The only other one I read was my ex-girlfriend Agatha's, but I assume they were all similar to mine-- love letters, each unique and deeply personal, signed 'love, Charles'. 

I'm pretty sure I was the only one who actually wrote back. I was just curious. I guess so was he, because he kept replying. I didn't expect to stay up all night talking to him about everything and nothing, laughing at his sharp wit and quick humour. I didn't expect the flutters in my stomach every time I saw his name light up on my screen. I didn't expect how I would begin to look forward to the end of my classes just so I could tell him about my day and get to hear about his. I didn't expect to fall in love. I did though, and I had pinned all my hopes on this finally becoming something real tonight. 

I'm down to my last ticket, and I try to not feel too disappointed as I look up at the ride I've been avoiding all night. Riding the ferris wheel alone is probably the most pathetic thing I've done all semester. Even more pathetic than falling for someone I barely know. 

I'm the last person settling in. The ride operator, Trixie, is about to start the ride when someone pushes their way to the front of the line. 

"Wait, please, I'm with Snow." 

Trixie rolls her eyes and reaches her hand out for a ticket, and now I can see that it's Baz, my insufferable roommate. There is no way in hell I'm going to be trapped on the ferris wheel, hundreds of meters in the air, with him. He's probably going to find a way to push me off. (He pushed me down the stairs once, so I wouldn't be surprised if this was the anticlimactic way he decided to end my life.)

I start to protest, but Baz slides into the seat, the right side of his body pressed entirely into my left. I can't even get up anymore. 

"Baz, what the hell?" 

"You invited me, remember?" He runs his hands through his hair, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was nervous.

"Why the fuck would I do that?" 

Trixie doesn't seem to care that I'm clearly in  _ mortal peril _ , because she starts the ride then. I grip onto the bar across us tightly as our cart lurches forward. 

"Because I'm," he does air quotes, "'probably actually your soulmate, even if I don't want you to be'." 

It takes me a second to realize where I've heard that before. It's my own words. The last email I sent to Charles, asking him to find me at the fair tonight. 

I narrow my eyes. "How the fuck do you know about that?"

He sighs softly. "Oh, Simon..." 

My head hurts. How does he know about my emails to Charles? I mean, everyone knows I got that first one, just like I know about the other 4 people that received an email-- Agatha, Niall, Micah, and Premal. But how does he know exactly what my last one said? Did he hack my email? Has he been reading _ all _ of my messages to Charles? Is he here just to make fun of me? Does he plan to blackmail me over them? Or Charles? The thought makes me sick. 

No, wait, we're getting higher, we're almost at the top, and I'm looking down, and  _ Oh my God _ I can see Penny by the lemonade stand from up here, and we're so high up and I'm  _ actually _ going to be sick. 

"Are you... alright?" Baz places a hand on my back, which he's definitely never done before, and now is definitely not the time to start. 

"No. Fuck, Baz! Did you hack my email?" 

"What? No. Why would I do that?"

"You read my emails to Charles, right? And now you're here to make fun of me."

"Why would I do that?” He sighs. “You sent those emails to me. I'm Charles."

"No... you're not..." and everything comes crashing down.

Not literally. It's just... Baz can't be Charles. I'm in love with Charles.  _ Baz _ is an asshole.  _ Charles _ is incredibly smart, and funny, with this sort of perfectly dry sarcastic humor, and he's talented. He told me he plays an instrument, and a sport, and gets high marks on all his tests, and... 

_ Oh _ . 

Baz _ is _ Charles.  _ And I'm a colossal idiot.  _

"Yes, Snow, I am." He looks away from me, down at the ground, and I realize to avoid doing just that, I've been focusing too hard on his face instead. 

I've spent too many years looking at his dumb fucking face, I could draw it from memory. Well… if I knew how to draw. 

"I'm sorry," He says, and his voice is small.

"You should be," I snap. "You've spent forever messing with my head. What would you even gain from messing with my heart?" 

He looks back up at me, his eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not! It's me. I'm Charles."

All of my fears are coming to life, right now, right in front of my eyes. I knew Charles was too perfect to be real. I knew someone like him could never really love me back. I'm blinking really fast. This is all so dumb, I feel so stupid, and I don't want Baz to see me cry. Especially not when I can't even run away. 

"Why?" I whisper. "Was this all an elaborate prank to get me to open up to you, to tell you my secrets, so that you could use them against me? Why would you lie to me in those emails, and tell me you loved me too?"

"Because I  _ do _ love you, Simon Snow. I've always loved you, ever since I saw you and your stupid smile back in first year. I've always known you were probably actually my soulmate, even when I didn't want you to be. Even when I tried to convince myself you'd never love me back. Even when I knew for sure you wouldn't. Then... then my email drafts got leaked somehow... and we were actually talking... and it snowballed... and by some miracle you actually fell in love with me-- well, with Charles. But I never meant for that to happen. I never meant for it to go that far. I knew I should stop, but I was selfish. I should've known you'd never like the real me." 

We're going higher; we've almost circled back to the top. And It's really starting to sink in. Baz is Charles. Charles with whom I am in love. I'm… in love with Baz. He's known who I was all along, and he never really hated me at all. 

"Is that the real you? The guy in the emails… Was everything you said true?" I ask, and I hate how hopeful I sound. 

"I meant every word of it," he says. "Baz may have lied to you all these years… but Charles gave you his heart, every broken piece of it. He… I gave you everything that I am in those emails. I'm sorry it turned out to be me. You must be so disappointed."

"I'm just… confused. What about everyone else you emailed? Agatha?" 

Baz laughs. "I was never really into Agatha. I had feelings for you, and seeing the two of you together, it confused me… and I'd rather not talk about the other boys. None of them replied. None of them even mattered. I was hoping if I wrote about them, I might be able to stop thinking about you, that I might be able to get over you. They were all just distractions." 

I've been daydreaming about Charles for months, and I realize a part of me has been having similar thoughts about Baz, too. A part that I always pushed into my periphery, but is ringing louder than ever now, screaming to be acknowledged.

I've been waiting to kiss him for so long, and he read my email, and he's here, and we're on this ferris wheel, and he loves me… and I just can't wait any longer. I have to kiss him.

So I do. 

He gets past his initial shock and kisses me back. He moves to pull away but I chase his lips, over and over, feeling his smile against mine. I cradle his neck with one hand, feeling the heat traveling down to his nape; I hold his wrist with the other and feel his pulse under my fingertips. 

I rest my forehead against his. I look into his eyes, and see myself reflected back in his pupils. And I'm so, so glad it's him-- that he is probably actually my soulmate, even if at first, I didn't want him to be.


End file.
